This is The Path We Have to Wander
by ImagingThings
Summary: After the death of Rachel Jacob and Leah have a heart-to-heart.


Jacob lay in the darkness of the tent, feeling the soft tears trail down his cheeks. They had buried his beloved today, his Rachel with the beautiful doe-eyes and soft smile. She had died in childbirth, naming the boy Benoni, son of my pain, with her last breath. But Jacob, knowing he'd be unable to raise a son whose name was a constant reminder of Rachel's death, had renamed him Benjamin.

He had gone to Leah's tent out of duty, not desire that evening. If the choice had been his he'd have been sitting by Rachel's grave the entire night but knowing that such an act would not bring Rachel back he had, albeit reluctantly, gone to his other wife's tent. Except now Leah was his only wife – his relationship with Bilhah and Zilpah was different, even though they had each carried two of his sons they were still only concubines.

A stifled sound behind him made him jolt slightly; it was the sound of someone sobbing quietly as to not disturb the other person. Turning around so he faced Leah he carefully put a hand on her shaking shoulder.

"Are you crying?" He asked, quickly realizing how stupid the question was.

"Of course I'm crying." She answered, her voice sounding odd, as if a mix between anger and sadness. "She was my sister. Even though we have been some sort of rivals for the last many years she was always my sister. My sweet baby sister." A sob wrecked through her body and Jacob edged closer, putting his arms around his, now openly crying, wife.

"We were always so close." She whispered, barely audible. "I used to be annoyed when she would follow me around everywhere when we were children. When you and her became betrothed I was happy for her, I truly was. I never once realized our father would find it a problem that I was still unmarried, not until he ordered me to dress in the bridal clothes and take Rachel's place in the bed. Since then nothing has been the same, even if we weren't actively fighting there was still this chasm between us."

As Jacob listened to Leah's story he remembered the reasons which had bought him to Laban's house in the first place. His fallout with his own brother. Granted, he and Esau had never been as close as Leah and Rachel seemed to have been, still he had always admired his twin, quite like Rachel seemed to have admired her older sister. Yet he had received his brother's forgiveness, as far as he knew Leah had never received such a thing from Rachel. Still the blame wasn't really with Leah but with Laban, Leah had simply done as her father had ordered, she had no choice in the matter. But did Laban?

"I don't know why the Lord is testing us this way. But I am sure He has a reason for everything He does. We humans can never know God's ways; walking His path is like walking through a heavy fog; you can never see what's ahead but if you trust in God He will lead you safely. This is the path we have to wander, but we will not be wandering alone. Not only are we together but if we ever get separated God will be with all of us. To the bitter end and beyond."

For several heartbeats they simply lay quietly in each others arms. Leah's sobs slowly subsiding while Jacob came to realize something horrible he had done in all those years he had been married to her; he had always compared her to Rachel instead of seeing her own beauty.

"We knew." Leah suddenly murmured.

"What? You knew what?"

"Somehow the four of us knew that you'd have twelve sons. When I fell pregnant with Dinah I realized that if I had another son Rachel would only ever be able to have one son of her own, making her less than even the concubines. I prayed to God, begged Him to give me a daughter so Rachel could carry your two remaining sons. I think He granted me that wish, that I really was carrying a boy. Now I wish He had not accepted my prayer. Then maybe I hadn't lost my sister and you hadn't lost the person you love more than anyone. What joy is a daughter to you?"

"Don't say that. I love Dinah, she's my daughter." He didn't say the other thing, the thought running through his mind; that maybe it was God's will that Rachel should die in childbirth. If was as if the Lord had known that he would only truly see Leah if Rachel wasn't there.

"But Dinah has brought you nothing but pain."

"No. She was innocent in what happened. Truly the blame is with Simeon and Levi; if they had not taken their horrible revenge Dinah could have been married to Shechem today, raising their son with him instead of suffering the toil of raising a fatherless child. Still their act was simply because they loved their little sister and would defend her honour, even if it meant meeting my wraith. I don't think neither they nor Shechem acted out of cruelty, they simply followed the will of God, and so will we; we will trust in God to bring us to where we are meant to be."

Looking down at his wife a smile crept across his face; she was sleeping soundly, might have been so for several moments. Carefully he put the blanket closer around her and placed a soft kiss on her cheeks.

"I love you." He whispered.


End file.
